34 Life Lessons to Celebrate My 34th Year
One of my favorite ways to celebrate my birthday each year is to spend time reflecting on what I learned over the past year (and years) of my life.
This activity allows me to acknowledge and celebrate my successes, learn from my mistakes, stay grounded in my truth, and set goals for my next year.
Similar to a Year in Review exercise, this is a simple way to come back to yourself. Setting aside time and space for reflection is an important component of aligned introspection.
Knowing yourself is a powerful tool that will fuel you on your journey to living your purpose, and by taking the time to consider how you’ve grown each year, you’re sending a message to the Universe that you’re ready for more.
Showing gratitude for what you’ve learned along the way also helps you build an abundance mindset. Focusing on the bigger picture, the expansion that comes with reflection, and the impact you desire to make helps you gain clarity on how you can serve the world.
I hope you’ll join me in welcoming your next year on this Earth with gratitude, joy, reverence and abundance. I’m writing this as much for me as I am for you. Cheers to you and your next chapter.
Here are 34 life lessons to celebrate my 34th year:
1. Your gifts will make room for you
Early in my career, one of my mentors enlightened me with his grandmother’s wisdom. I was a young, ambitious, woman leader in a male-dominated field, and I was striving and driving to get ahead. This advice was the catalyst that led me toward my spiritual journey to find my purpose. Understanding that we all have a place on this Earth, we all have something to give, and we all have unique strengths and gifts to share made me realize that there’s no need to push, to force, to try to fit in where I didn’t. The Universe had a place for me, and allowing myself to let go and be okay with that uncertainty was a tough but powerful lesson. Years later, this is still the best piece of advice I’ve been given, and one I often share with young, ambitious women like me. It’s okay to be driven and set goals for yourself, but to have true peace of mind, it helps to see the bigger picture. Because after all, when you really want something, the Universe conspires to make it happen.
2. Trust your inner wisdom
This is my biggest lesson learned this year. As I moved into a new role as a manager in a consulting firm, the learning curve was steeper than I’d imagined. Not only was I learning how to be a good consultant, but I was also learning how to manage people and teach them how to be good consultants. I thought there was an “official way” to develop solutions and create documents, and I wanted to follow the “right way.” But each time I followed a template or example from previous projects, I got feedback that something was off. I finally decided to trust in my own creativity and inner wisdom and create deliverables without using examples. I didn’t need to rely on what someone else had done to be a “good” consultant. I only needed to trust my expertise and believe in myself to create exceptional products and experiences.
3. Keep your eyes on your own paper
In a similar vein as trusting in your inner wisdom is this gem of advice I learned this year. Keeping your eyes on your own paper means that you don’t have to do things the way others in your field or industry does them. You can create your own path, your own method, your own solutions. Especially in coaching and online business, there’s pressure to conform to conventional (and often conflicting) marketing or business advice. Instead of copying what others have done, or comparing yourself to their progress, keep your eyes on your own paper – or your own journey. You are not them, and they are not you. You won’t get the same results they have because you have your own unique voice and experience and expertise and strengths and gifts. That’s not to say you won’t have success, but you can have success on your own terms, doing what feels right to you.
4. You are your own Hierophant
This year, I invested in myself and took a class to deepen my Tarot practice. One of the cards in the Tarot is the Hierophant. Traditionally, this card is described as a teacher, or someone with great wisdom from whom you can learn anything. I really resonated with how my teacher taught this card, which is that you are your own Hierophant. You are your own best source of wisdom, and you have knowledge, experience, expertise, and strengths you can rely on. They key is to believe in yourself and your expertise and trust that you already have what you need.
5. Feedback is a gift
One of my favorite activities to teach is the “Best Self” exercise, which helps you build trust in yourself and your strengths. I love this exercise because many of us struggle with owning our strengths or talking about when we’re at our best. This exercise encourages you to step outside your comfort zone and ask people close to you (friends, mentors, coworkers) to describe a time when you’re at your best. As scary as this activity might sound, it’s one of the best ways to get to know yourself. Sometimes, we need an outside perspective to see ourselves clearly, and the feedback you receive from this exercise is a gift to help you recognize and own your strengths. Want to learn more? Take the free Feminine Leadership Styles Quiz to unlock this powerful exercise!
6. Receiving is just as important as giving
Along those lines, it can be difficult to receive feedback from others, especially when it’s positive. It may be uncomfortable for you to have someone tell you how amazing you are, or what you’ve accomplished, or what you’re great at. Even more uncomfortable than saying these things yourself. So many women (myself included) find it so much easier to encourage others, to uplift others, to give compliments and recognize others’ achievements, than to acknowledge even one small thing we’re good at. But the Universe is all about balance, and to continue to give in the way we enjoy, we need to practice receiving. Start small with a simple, “thank you” when someone gives you a compliment. Thank the Universe when something special or magical happens. Acknowledge yourself for an accomplishment – no matter how small. Write down your strengths or gifts or what you’re good at. These are simple ways to practice receiving and building your capacity to give.
7. You can’t pour from an empty cup
Similarly, all this giving could drain your reserves. It’s important to fill your cup with things that light you up. It could be self-care, exercise, nourishing thoughts, cozy activities, spending time with people who uplift you, reading your favorite books. Whatever brings you simple joy and doesn’t require a lot of energy. It’s important to fill your cup daily so you can stay centered in your healthy boundaries and continue to be of service.
8. Your thoughts create your reality
I’ve written a lot about this over the years, so I’ll keep this brief. If you think you can achieve something, you’ll behave in a way that helps you accomplish your goal. On the other hand, if you think you’re not good enough or not smart enough or don’t have the resources to achieve something, you’ll be less likely to take action, and in the end, you’ll think “see? I knew I couldn’t accomplish that.” Either way, your thoughts create a self-fulfilling prophecy. Choose thoughts that get you closer to your goals, not farther away.
9. Self-awareness is the foundation for any change you want to make
If you’re ready to make a change, or take a step toward living your purpose, the best place to start is with knowing yourself: what motivates you, what energizes you, what drains you. It’s also important to identify your core values and strengths and align your actions to them. So many people attempt to make major changes in their lives without really considering how well they align, and that’s when you start to feel stuck or lost or conflicted. When you know yourself well, you’ll understand what actions you can take that feel right and that are aligned to your passions and purpose.
10. You have the power to choose how you want to feel
This lesson was a constant reminder in 2020, a year of uncertainty, anxiety, fear, desperation, frustration. There were days when I felt depressed for no reason, days when a trip to the grocery store caused a panic attack, and days when it was unnerving to feel so isolated. As valid and understandable as those feelings are, it was always my choice to feel them. Some days, I would allow myself the time and space to grieve or feel anxious or depressed. And other days, I recognized these emotions welling up inside me, I acknowledged them, thanked them, and chose a new emotion. There’s no right or wrong way to feel. It’s okay to feel sad or angry or confused. But know if you’re ready to release those feelings, the power lies within you to choose how you want to feel.
11. A positive crew helps you go farther, faster
They say you’re the average of the five people with whom you spend the most time. When you’re surrounded by people who have your back, people who push you to be your best self, people who share similar goals and aspirations, you can achieve so much more.
12. Find what keeps you grounded and hold on to it
In a year like 2020, it was easy to feel a loss of control. Guidelines changed overnight, schools and workplaces shut down, grocery store shelves stood empty. And even without a pandemic, sudden shifts or unexpected changes can make you feel overwhelmed, confused, or afraid. This year, I struggled with the balance of seeing the big picture and taking things one day at a time. I leaned on my spiritual practices to ground me, and I also felt a renewed sense of gratitude for my home. Particularly, my living room couch. When I felt stressed or anxious, I would remind myself that it was just one day, and at the end of the day, I could sit on my couch and curl up with a blanket and my journal. My couch was my grounding space, a ritual where I could end my workday, appreciate that I got through another day, and prepare for the next day. Whether it’s your faith, your family, your home, or something else, find that thing that grounds you. You can always come back to it on days that feel like too much.
13. There’s no substitute for a good night’s sleep
This lesson is at the top of my list every year! Sleep has always been one of my top priorities, but this year, I found myself waking up with racing thoughts several nights each week. It was really frustrating and exhausting, and soon I found myself dreading going to bed. Finally, I decided to make the bed a place I wanted to be again, so I bought a new sheet set and comforter, and eventually a new mattress (life-changing!). I got back on track with my evening ritual of gratitude journaling and reading, and I set intentions for restful sleep. As simple as these changes were, they made a huge difference in the way I thought about sleep, and they helped me get back into alignment with one of my priorities. Sometimes little shifts are all it takes.
14. Prioritize joy over judgement
When you’re working toward finding or living your purpose, it’s easy to compare yourself to others who are on a similar path. Especially when that person is years ahead of where you’re starting. If you’re like me, you might find yourself judging their work or their progress or how they’re showing up in the world. When you feel out of control or feel like you’re not where you “should” be, it’s natural to want to blame someone else. It might make you feel better in the moment to put them down (even though they won’t hear it!), but it’s not a feeling you want to hold on to. Here’s the thing about judgement: it brings your energy down. It’s a separation from love and from others. It’s actually taking you farther from your goals because it’s isolating you from the collective. So instead, come back to love. Show compassion for the people you’re judging. Find some small joy in their work or their service. Find something that you can learn from them and take into your own journey. Sharing in others’ joy is a simple but powerful way to come back to center, come back to love, and feel connected to humanity.
15. And celebration over criticism
It’s so easy to focus on your mistakes or things you didn’t do quite so well. It’s easy to criticize yourself or deride yourself when things didn’t go the way you planned. It’s almost become a default to think in this way. To think about what we could have done better rather than celebrate what we’ve already accomplished. To keep going and keep pushing forward rather than stop and reflect on how far we’ve actually come. This year, I focused a lot on my accomplishments. It wasn’t easy at first, but it became natural over time. I felt a major shift in the way I looked at work and my business, and I felt more aligned. It doesn’t feel good to criticize yourself, and you wouldn’t say those things to your best friend, so instead of beating yourself up, try patting yourself on the back. Pause, take some time, and write down everything you’ve accomplished. It might feel awkward at first, but trust me, it’s exactly what you need.
16. Your mistakes don’t define you
This one is pretty self-explanatory. Your mistakes don’t define you. You are not your mistakes. Learn from them, acknowledge them, celebrate them, then let them go.
17. Failure is fuel
The beautiful thing about failure is that it’s the end and the beginning. It’s the closing of one chapter and the writing of a new one. It’s an opportunity to pause, to take stock, to reflect, to try again and to build something novel or innovative. It’s an opportunity to get back into alignment with your soul’s purpose, and it’s a chance to learn and change. While it may feel awful in the moment, it’s actually part of your path to purpose. It’s part of the bigger picture of the Universe. Remember: you’re part of something bigger than yourself. How can you see a failure as a way to fuel your future?
18. Look for the opportunity, not the obligation
This is a lesson I come back to over and over. It’s from one of my favorite motivational speakers, Eric Thomas. ET reminds us that when your effort is low or you’re feeling like you “have to” or are “supposed to” do something, you’re not thinking about the opportunity, you’re thinking about the obligation. I often get caught in this trap when I think about writing a new blog each week. There are some weeks I don’t know what to write about and I put pressure on myself because I “have to” write every week. That’s me thinking about the obligation to produce new work and update my website. When I make the shift to thinking about the opportunity, my passion is ignited. I start to think about the people like you who will benefit from my blogs. People who are searching for exactly what I’m writing. And I remember that I have an opportunity to create change in the world. If you find yourself in the trap of thinking only about the obligation, see if you can shift your thoughts to focus on the opportunity instead.
19. Return to your values
And when all else fails, return to your values. Go back to your top five core values that guide your decisions and actions. What do you stand for? What’s most important to you? How can your values help you see the path forward?
Related: How to Really Live Your Values
20. Listen to your heart
I’ve been rereading my favorite book, The Alchemist, and one quote that stood out to me this time is: “You will never be able to escape from your heart. So it's better to listen to what it has to say.” So often in life, we ignore our heart, especially when it comes to finding our purpose. Our heart speaks to us about our destiny, about the things we’re meant to do and the impact we’re meant to make in the world. You might feel a pull toward a certain profession or a tug to solve a specific problem. But life gets in the way, and we forget about our purpose. Or, we don’t believe we can achieve our dreams, so we ignore them. Over time, your heart might start whispering instead of speaking loudly. And it might be even harder to hear what it has to say. But that’s the most important time to listen. While your mind might speak of fear or dissuade you from pursuing your purpose, your heart will never steer you on the wrong path.
21. Don’t be afraid to be yourself
There is only one you. There has never been another you, and there never will be another you. You have a unique combination of values, gifts, strengths, experiences and passions. No one else has this combination – it’s like your fingerprints. So don’t be afraid to be yourself, because if you don’t, who will share your gifts with the world?
22. You’re the only expert on your life
This is a lesson in knowing when to take advice and when to listen to your inner wisdom. People love giving advice, and although well-meaning, it may not be meant for you. It’s an opportunity to consider if their advice matches for you. Does it align with where you’re going? Does it fit your experiences and expertise? If not, what advice would you give yourself?
23. Show up for your audience
I wrote about this a few weeks ago: you’re not for everyone, and that’s okay. So often, we focus on trying to change the minds and hearts of the people who aren’t in our audience. People who may criticize you or decide you’re not for them. When instead, you could focus your energy on showing up boldly and unapologetically for the people you are meant to serve. For the people reading your emails every week. For the people buying every one of your products. For the people thanking you for your service. Show up for those people. Let the others find their person. It’s not you, and that’s okay! Show up for the people who need what you have to give to the world.
24. You already know enough to live your purpose
When I think about living my purpose, I often feel a sense of impostor syndrome. “I’m not an expert, I don’t have a certification or degree or enough experience to do this.” Sound familiar? Our society conditioned us to think that if we go to a big name school or get fifteen certifications, then we’ll be ready to live our purpose. Only then we’ll be an expert in our field. That couldn’t be further from the truth. You’re here to serve a purpose. Whether you get a degree or certification is irrelevant. You’re still meant to do what you’re meant to do. You don’t need another certification to feel like an expert. In some fields and professions, certifications and degrees are required (I wouldn’t want a doctor operating on me without one!), and in those cases, getting the required education is part of your path. It’s aligned action that will lead you closer to living your purpose. I’m talking about the excuses you and I make when we don’t feel like an expert. When we think a certification will make us feel like more of an expert. When in many cases, we’ll still feel like an impostor, even when we get certified. You already know enough to live your purpose. If getting a degree or certification is part of your path, that’s great. But don’t let it stop you or hold you back from living your purpose and sharing your gifts with the world.
Related: How to Find Your Life Purpose in 4 Easy Steps
25. When you know better, do better
Maya Angelou said, “I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better.” When you’re starting on your path to living your purpose, you may not see all the steps in front of you. You may not know everything you need to do to start a website or change careers. But as you keep learning, you’ll gain more knowledge and understanding. And when you know better, you can do better. You can show up more authentically. You can learn from your mistakes. You can continue learning and growing and evolving. 2020 also brought the US to an awakening and reckoning of racial inequity. It was a chance for all of us to learn more and do better. With knowledge comes responsibility. Instead of feeling guilty for not knowing or not doing enough, stop looking to the past and look forward. What could you do better? What could you do differently? How can you make more of a difference?
26. And if you don’t know, you can learn more
Always. Ask a friend or trusted advisor for resources. Do your own research. Read. Watch videos or documentaries. Learn as much as you can about the things important to you. There’s never an endpoint to learning.
27. When you learn something new, share it with others
“Gaining knowledge is the first step to wisdom, sharing it is the first step to humanity.” This is how we’ll change the world. We’re not here as individuals; we’re here as part of the collective. Feminine Leadership is about bringing people together, and a simple way to do that is by sharing our knowledge with others. When you learn something new, share it with those around you. Share it even when it’s uncomfortable. Especially when it’s uncomfortable. Remember, when you know better, you can do better. So give others the chance to do better. And together, we can make the world a more beautiful place.
28. We rise by lifting others
If you want to feel instantly more abundant, think about one way you can lift someone else up. What can you do to be of service today? What can you give? What can you do to support someone or encourage them? We’re part of the collective, which means energy expands. When we help someone feel good, we feel good. In turn, that person might help someone else feel better, and so on. By helping just one person, we create a ripple effect that changes the world.
29. Your impact is just as important as your intention
Be mindful of the words you speak and the actions you take. Even if you have the best intentions, you may not realize the impact your words and actions have on others. Take responsibility for your words. Be accountable for your actions. Learn and do better.
30. Where attention goes, energy flows
I have to give credit for this one to my husband, Blake. This is a central theme in his qigong and taiji classes, and something I remind myself of in daily life. Where your attention goes, energy flows. This is the power behind manifesting your dreams. There’s also research behind this! Studies show that the more often we focus on our goals, the more likely we are to achieve them. So, if you write down your goals, you’re on your way. Even better if you write them down and read them every day. Even even better if you share your goals with others. The more you keep your goals top of mind, the more likely you are to take powerful, aligned action, because it’s in your line of focus. You can also create a vision board with your goals and put it somewhere you’ll see it every day. Affirmations work in this way, too. Where your attention goes, energy flows. So focus on your most important goals every day, and pay attention to what aligned action you can take to help you achieve them.
31. Come back to your breath
In times of stress, overwhelm, confusion, anger, frustration, fear, or anxiety, you can always come back to your breath. It’s simple and free and available to you at any time. The key is to notice and pay attention to when you need to take a step back. You could pause and take a few deep breaths, or you could build meditation into your morning ritual. No matter how you incorporate it into your day, pausing to breathe is an important way to connect to yourself, your heart, and your purpose.
32. You have everything you need
I might sound like a broken record here, but you already have everything you need to be successful. You just have to believe that’s true.
33. Rituals and habits are keys for success
If you want to change something in your life, build a habit around it. It could be writing, exercising, drinking more water, learning a language or skill, coming back to yourself. I live for my morning ritual, and I notice a huge difference in my mood and energy if I skip a day. Morning and evening rituals could be as simple as saying a prayer or practicing gratitude, or as involved as you want them to be – including journaling, exercising, reading, spiritual practices or other habits you want to build. The key is consistency and doing what feels good. What you do is not as important as the habit you’re building.
34. There is only one path
You’re always exactly where you’re meant to be.
The Takeaway
You don’t have to wait until New Year’s Day to reflect on the previous year or set goals for the year ahead. One of the best days to reflect, remember, and renew is on your birthday. Taking stock of the lessons you learned and accomplishments you achieved is a beautiful way to fuel your abundance mindset, end the year with gratitude, and set yourself up for another magical and purpose-filled year.
Take action now: For the number of years you’ve spent on this Earth, challenge yourself to make a list of life lessons that shaped your journey. These could be mistakes, opportunities, achievements, milestones, failures, successes, or advice. When you open your mind to limitless possibilities, there is really no wrong way to complete this activity. Then, close your year with gratitude, thank the Universe for your abundant blessings (and blessings in disguise), and invite in new, positive energy. Set an intention for how you want to spend your next year on Earth.
If your next year involves finding your life purpose, your reason for being, and the impact you long to make in the world, sign up for my FREE 30-Day Life Purpose Challenge. Over 30 days, I’ll guide you with journal prompts to help you discover your core values, strengths, passions, and potential career paths. Most importantly, you’ll get clear on how you want to serve the world and the steps you’ll need to take to get there. Are you up for the challenge? Sign up here!
